How do we make sense of a world that disregards sexual violence?

A few years ago I attended a conference in Los Angeles where the main topic of conversation was how states should solve the problem hundreds of thousands of rape kits that have been shelved for decades without any investigation. After one of the group sessions, a rape survivor approached me and asked: Is rape really a crime?

My answer: This is not a given in America or other parts of the world. In the United States, rape is the least frequently reported and least effectively prosecuted serious crime. Only 4% of reported rape cases ever see the inside of a courtroom, and only a small proportion of them result in a conviction. That’s one of the things that made me want to write a book about it sexual violence in Americawhere rape and sexual assault are not treated as brutal crimes, but as an exhausting dance of he-said and passionate denial in which the voices of victims are largely ignored.

Rape is the only thing that is both a weapon of war and offered as a surefire laugh at a comedy club. When accused perpetrators portray rape as a “misunderstanding” or “outright lie,” their assurances are often enough to make most people nod in understanding. As a result, many of our most important institutions do not take rape and sexual abuse seriously. It is no coincidence that the victims of this brutal crime are mainly women, children and people from marginalized populations.

I was thinking about this in the context of the return to the White House of Donald Trump, who won a lot of votes even though he is a judge sexual predator. This topic has been top of mind for us since Trump nominated Pete Hegseth to be our Secretary of Defense. Hegseth was accused of rape by a woman who suspected she had been drugged, which she denies, among other charges. There were also new allegations that Hegseth was abusing his second wife. Not surprisingly, one senator trying to push through the nomination claimed that the accuser “had an axe,” using the same tactics used by rape and sexual assault defendants. The focus is not on Hegseth’s alleged behavior, but on her: She has a plan; she can’t be trusted; continuing to review her lies is a waste of time.

Rape is the only thing that is both a weapon of war and offered as a surefire laugh at a comedy club.

Our response to sexual victimization – and our tendency to minimize it – goes back hundreds of years. Ironically, sexual crimes committed against women were taken most seriously when they were considered crimes against their husbands; when an attack on a woman was considered harm done to her husband property when there was a stain his honor. When rape was seen as affecting men indirectly, it was treated more seriously than it is today.

But how do we make sense of a world in which the crushing experience of gender-based violence is fundamentally ignored? When, time and time again, there is a choice between a man denying or a woman stating that sexual harassment has occurred, our society chooses the former. It can feel like our society has established that the victim has already been harmed, so why “ruin” someone else’s life? This deceptive thinking is possible because incitement to sexual violence is often presented as a misunderstanding or an allegation intended to attract attention or money.

The effects of rape and sexual assault are serious and costly. The economic and mental health consequences are serious. The estimated lifetime cost of being raped is over $120,000 per victim, representing a cumulative economic burden almost $3.1 trillion in the United States. Test An analysis of the long-term economic consequences of rape for victims found that “sexual assault and the associated trauma response can disrupt a victim’s employment in several ways, including time off, reduced productivity, job loss, and work disability.” Victims are at high risk of developing substance use disorders, anxiety, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder, including chronic post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). They often affect their ability to work and function in everyday life.

Minimizing the impact of sex crimes and denying responsibility for those accused is wrong – and harmful. We see devastating examples of this in states that have made abortion illegal, with no exceptions for rape and incest. Now Vice President J.D. Vance has clarified his position on: Interview from 2022: :

“The issue is not whether a woman should be forced to give birth, but whether the child should be allowed to live, even if the circumstances of its birth are in some way inconvenient or a problem for society.”

Any survivor will tell you that the terror and lasting trauma of rape is not “uncomfortable.” It’s life changing. Forcing women to carry a rapist’s child is a government-approved form of torture. Nowhere in Vance’s comments was there any mention of the experiences of women who became pregnant as a result of sexual violence. She is not given the status of a human being who has survived life-changing trauma and a brutal crime, but of a person who should stop complaining.

Victims of sexual violence are unfortunately accustomed to feeling invisible. When we talk about our experiences, we are accustomed to being labeled as unreliable or dishonest. I won’t say we’re used to it, but it doesn’t surprise us anymore.

In a country where we pride ourselves on various pillars of freedom, women’s agency and bodily autonomy are declining. Men dominate and humiliate women. How we continue to view rape and sexual assault is a measure of whether and to what extent our fundamental rights are slowly being eroded and perhaps at risk of being lost altogether.

Victims of sexual violence are called victims of violence for a reason. We may not feel healed, we may not feel heard, we may not feel safe – but we know that falling into despair and helplessness will not serve us. Agreeing to silence is a danger that we cannot and will not accept.

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