Dear Abby | An unfaithful ex is considering a pass on his former married spouse

DEAR ABBA: I have been divorced from my ex-husband “Paul” for 20 years. I never remarried. The divorce was largely my fault because I was unfaithful. We never tried to save our marriage. They immediately started dating and remarried 18 months later. We have remained friends as we have four children and now grandchildren. I also get along with his wife.

During the pandemic, I moved across the country with my adult child. Paul and his wife followed us. We live about an hour apart. As it turned out, three of our four children also moved in with us. Over the past two years, I’ve realized that I miss Paul and hope that we will be together again. (He doesn’t know that.) I have never been disrespectful to his marriage or his current wife in any way.

They have a unique relationship as they often spend time apart and travel to see family without each other. I think sometimes they spend their holidays apart. I know this isn’t necessarily a measure of their love and commitment, but my gut tells me this isn’t the marriage they want people to believe.

My gut tells me he might feel the same way I do. I often think he wishes he had done more to save our marriage. Should I tell him how I feel? I am happy in my life, but I don’t want to regret not speaking out if there is a chance that we could be reunited and be the family I know God intended us to be. Any advice?

— WE REGRET IN ALABAMA

DEAR SORRY: My God, you are definitely having a selfish conversation with the God you should have talked to before you committed adultery and blew up your marriage. While it may seem unusual, many couples visit their families separately, and some even take short vacations if their spouses are not interested.

Do yourself a favor and look for romance elsewhere. Your ex and his wife would really appreciate it if you did this. Think about it before you embarrass yourself.

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DEAR ABBA: My husband had an argument with his next door neighbor and no longer recognizes him or talks to him when we see him outside. Our neighbor still greets me and my special needs daughter, but my husband doesn’t want me to respond. She says she’s “with my man.” Is my husband right or wrong? In this situation, I will follow your advice.

— A GOOD NEIGHBOR IN OHIO

DEAR NEIGHBOR: It’s a pity you didn’t mention how serious the dispute was between your husband and your neighbor. Him wanting to drag you into this mess doesn’t seem very “manly” to me. Do you want to be used as ammunition? If the answer is no, and you prefer to keep things amicable (even for the sake of your daughter with special needs), tell your husband to fight his own battle and stay out of it.