Should you consult HR about a conflict with your manager?

Getting the name right

I have a co-worker whose name is often mispronounced by others. This coworker posted the correct pronunciation in his Slack bio, and I heard him say his name, so I’m sure I know how to pronounce it. Yet people on different teams — and even our own team — often get things wrong. It bothers me that my coworker never corrects anyone in meetings or on the phone, and I can’t help but feel upset with him. I want to bring this up because I think we should try to address everyone by the correct name/pronunciation, but I’m not sure if it’s my place to intervene or how to approach this issue without overdoing it. Would it be inappropriate for me to privately contact people who mispronounce their name and gently correct them? Or maybe I should let my coworker decide how to handle it?

— Friend Aware of the Name

This is difficult. Names can be difficult to pronounce for a variety of reasons. The name sounds “foreign” or is rare. The name sounds like one thing, but sounds like another. The name is ambiguous or can be pronounced in multiple ways. (“Anna,” a name commonly found in a variety of languages ​​from Spanish to Italian to Russian, falls into this category).

However, constantly mispronouncing someone’s name can reveal a lot about that person. This suggests a lack of attention to detail. Failure to listen. Faulty memory. Or, at worst, deliberate disrespect. (Remember when Donald Trump and other Republicans insisted on mispronouncing Kamala Harris’ name during the last presidential campaign?)

We so rarely hear our names spoken aloud that when we do, we want others to pronounce them correctly. A guy I was dating recently confessed to me that because he had never said my name out loud, he didn’t know how to pronounce it. While I don’t really care if people call me “AN-na” (correct pronunciation) or “AH-na”, I thought his self-intervention was cute and thoughtful.

However, for some people, mispronouncing their name is a lifelong annoyance. A few years ago I started working where one of the top executives had a last name that “read” as one but was actually pronounced slightly differently. When I made a mistake during the introductory meeting and mispronounced her name, she quickly corrected me (rather harshly, I might add). But I understood her position. She probably has to correct herself often, and the confident way I pronounced – or in this case mispronounced – her name was probably irritating.

But let’s get back to your friend and whether you should intervene. I don’t think you should. Instead, I think you can simply educate others by continuing to show, not tell – that is, pronounce your friend’s name correctly in front of others. Just don’t contact co-workers privately – it may come across as patronizing or put them on the defensive. Be assured that your coworker is handling the situation the best way he or she can now, and let him or her decide how to handle it in the future. And that might just mean nothing.